I don't work for just anybody. I work for someone you all know (or at least think you know). She regularly graces the pages of glossy girls and lads mags around the world. She's tried her hand at acting, singing, modelling and has her name bandaged across a colossal range of overpriced beauty products and clothing lines. This woman is a worldwide celebrity who's got more money than most of us could ever dream of. She’s got beautiful big blue eyes, a long mane of golden hair, legs that go on forever and the most perfect breasts I’ve ever laid eyes on.
I can't tell you who she is because I've signed a deed of confidentiality which means she'll take my life savings (£8000 debt) and home (a rented x council flat in Dalston). But thanks to the beauty of ghost writing, both she and I can remain anonymous.
So, let's take it from the very beginning, and slowly but surely I will educate you about the life of one very rich and famous woman, a couple of her friends, her family and the trials and tribulations of being a celebrity PA.
The Interview: Location: 6 storey mansion, Primrose Hill, London
Jo, the PA greeted me at the door. I was nervous. Palms sweaty. I needed this job so much. Temping in banks and law firms was taking its toll.
Jo lead me up the stairs to the dining room. We sat at the table and chatted. Then, I heard her voice, she was calling out to someone, the housekeeper maybe? Her footsteps were coming closer to the door. She glided in. Long limbed, ass-less, older looking than I'd expected, make-up free, dressed in gym gear. She took control of the space. I felt short, fat and ugly.
'The famous Rosy Temple' she said condescendingly. I laughed.
'Now, what we need here is someone organised, efficient and dedicated' she started. 'It's non stop in this place. I have several businesses and a busy schedule. I need you to be 100 per cent on top of everything. There is no room for mistakes here.' She went on and on and on. After about 20 minutes of hammering, she asked me what I'd been doing. I could tell she wasn't listening. But kept going on regardless. My Bachelor of Arts/Media and experience as the PA to one of London’s most acclaimed Film Directors were meaningless.
When I’d finished my clumsy spiel she said ‘Ok. Well, should we decide you’re the best person for the job we’ll let you know.’ Then she got up and left the room.
It seems I am the right person for the job. I start this Monday.
